Tuesday, May 22, 2012

In Limbo

On Friday, someone from MD Anderson called to tell me that my appt had been moved from June 4th to June 18th. I freaked out a little bit because it's an additional two weeks to wait, and waiting is not something I'm very good at. So I tried to call back and couldn't get through. Then, yesterday while I was at lunch, someone called again. I tried calling back, left a couple of messages, but heard nothing. Today, in the 45 minutes that I was in the school for Aliceon's Superintendent's Honor Roll Breakfast, they called again, but this time to tell me that the appt had been moved to June 25th. Again, tried calling back the numbers I was given, but couldn't get in touch with anyone. Finally, I went through the main number and talked with someone who isn't connected with my case. They couldn't tell me why my appt was being moved, except that "the doctor said to."

Not cool. I talked to the nurse for my old endo yesterday and told her what was going on, and she confirmed some of my fears - that there's a less than 1% chance it's not cancer, that all my previous ultrasounds had, in fact, been clear, and that it growing since rads is a bad sign.

So, of course, I'm a little more anxious. And now I'm being told another month. Which means I am rearranging all of my schedules yet again. It also means that much longer of daily panic attacks, that much longer of worrying, that much longer before any treatment is begun. And, of course, it means that I will be going to Houston the week before the kids get back....

I don't like this. I don't like this at all. I'm scared, I have been living with the knowledge that the cancer is still there since December, and I want it out. I want to be able to live my life again... .

I just received a call back. Evidently someone was perturbed that I was upset at being rescheduled, and is now rescheduling me again, hopefully for a sooner date, but will now not be able to tell me anything.

I'm just so frustrated. I have been in limbo for 6 months. I need to be able to do something. I need to stop having to sit on my hands....

2 comments:

Peta said...

scary stuff and so very frustrating when they keep changing appointments...know how that feels and it only adds to the anxiety. nothing I can say will make it easier...i wish it could, but you are one tough cookie. I think a margurita (or 2) is in order and hopefully the latest appointment will be sooner. fingers, toes & everything else is crossed for you. hugsxxx

Kerry said...

Thanks, Peta, I really appreciate it!