Saturday, September 22, 2012

Rainbows In Little Boxes

I've not been around much lately; too little to report, too much to think. Of course, part of the problem, too, is that I've just gotten tired. Tired of explaining, tired of justifying, tired of talking. Tired of thinking, too, but I haven't figured out a reliable way of not doing that. Not for lack of trying, though, I swear.

Like tonight, for instance: Tonight was "pill minder night," that fun task of filling the tiny little compartments with each day's medications, and I realized I've come full circle - back to 11 pills a day. I had reached a point, mostly due to not having insurance, and therefore, not having the ability to get prescriptions filled, of not taking anything. Then, we slowly got back to the necessary meds - the thyroid hormone, the most basic of Fibromyalgia drugs. Now there are more, including antibiotics for the wacky skin crap the radiation caused and acid reducers for the damage to my esophagus, also likely radiation induced.

It's frustrating. It's frustrating to be 2 weeks away from 34, and to be taking more medication than most 80 year olds. It's frustrating to know that I have to take about half of them to survive, and the other half to essentially counteract the effects of the first half. And it's frustrating to know that this is likely my life.

I've said it before, but I'll say it again - I wish there were a way to compound all my daily meds into one pill - heck of a lot less to keep up with and remember, which is a big deal, since my memory seems to be failing at an alarming rate right now. So much so that I have brought it up to all of my doctors. So much so that Hans has taken notice. So much so that the kids have taken notice. So now, I have a referral to a neurologist, and an appointment for the end of October.

Ugh. Cancer. Such a stupid bitch. I was fine before they started treating it, and now I'm falling apart, held together by the rainbow in the little boxes that I swallow twice a day.


Peta said...

Hugs xx

Leanne said...

Ugh. My heart just hurts for you. :-(

Hans Clemmensen said...